Jasmin Obadencio
October 3, 2011
RD2
Consumers are persuaded by a number of factors, especially in the mass media alone. We are faced with the pros and cons of each, but these ads put pressure on us in an unnecessary way. Confidence and acceptance are what these ads display, but do we want to say it inspires us to better ourselves or change who we are? [THESIS] Persuasion is a debate we fuss with, but I firmly disagree that commercials have a positive impact on consumers. Commercial broadcasting is appealing, but I consider it an absurdity. [THESIS]
Tiffany Gushiken states “ Ads have become so integrated into our environment and culture that many people accept the messages without thinking.” In this quote, she brings out how easy it is for a person to be fooled. Also, not all of us are reading between the lines. Being a self-investigator helps you understand a lot what the advertisement ignored to tell you. We all judge a book by its cover that gets taken advantaged of. The same error occurs with opening a new electronic toy, we fail to read the instructions and use our instincts instead. Another quote stated by Carmen Lee, “ “ads often exaggerate in order to impress their viewers.” This expresses exactly what ads are doing. Enthusiastically, they want you to believe what you see. They arouse your interest and play at what makes people feel good. Commercials get to us all the time, its willpower that we need to not let it shape us.
No matter the good side of media the bad will inevitably always play a bigger role. One person might outsmart the media, but there are a million others who succumb to the media. It’s definitely an effective way to promote, but it doesn’t outweigh the ads that change our behavior to fit the mass media. Last week, I came across a commercial on YouTube. It starts with a woman in a bathing suit running through the forest. Seconds later, more women in bathing suits are racing her. In the mean time, women are swimming across the ocean and others are climbing down the rocks. In the last fifteen seconds of the commercial, there’s a guy with just shorts on standing on the beach with axe in both hands spraying all over himself. Seeing the mass of women in bathing suits running to him from all angles, his eyes widen and a big smile forms on his face, continuing to spray himself with axe. Then closing his eyes, he puts his head up, arms opened wide. The commercial cuts off when the masses of women are closing down on him in the matter of seconds. Finally ends with a quote, “spray more, get more, the Axe effect.” The type of fallacy this ad demonstrates is Non Sequitor because women, particularly attractive, have nothing to do with axe. The method they used was to exaggerate the greatness of Axe. Promoting Axe in such a way only appeals to men in an unbehavioral manner. Of course consumers are going to get it, almost every one of their commercials have women being strongly attached to the scent. I like to say Axe commercials promote what every women wants on a man, which isn’t true. Also, the commercial is judgmental only because they used what would attract consumers, which are attractive women. Its all about being fit to look good and not disappoint viewers, as long as they get their share after investing so much to make the commercial itself.
Without fail, most of media has some negative influence. Recording history, I remember media wasn’t vulgar or people weren’t home behind computers and television. Back then, everything was about going out to socialize and finding your way here and there. Now, media flourishes so unambiguously that we are practically drowning in it. We are spoiled with minimum wages trying to buy the latest software and grabbing food from McDonalds off the dollar menu. I can order pizza from home, do online shopping, and watch the latest movies straight from the Internet. We are lazy, even though majority of us work. Still, the media is producing more and more to get us where? Nowhere. It’s the wants and needs the media messes us with, and with no self-control there’s flaws.
Wherever we are, there are advertisements from billboards, commercials, radio, newspapers and numerous other mediums. Most of it is gossip, some recalling tragic events, and a big one we all are suckered in, ads promoting the unthinkable. It drags out our reality to force ourselves by changing our behavior to fit the media’s. And if we are not careful, these ads are strong enough to get us to give in. Between home and my workplace, I drive past five fast food restaurants in a 5-minute time span. All of this makes America an obese nation. Children too are guided the wrong way. With undeveloped maturity, children are exposed to a realm of technology. Not only the adults are obese, children are getting obese and sucked in video games as early as five years old. Adults perceive things on a higher level of understanding, and children have no way of seizing right from wrong. Nowadays your able to put child proof lock on your car and Rated R movies at home, but considering safety comes first, Child proof works only 10% of the time. Also to note, you can’t child proof everything, its impossible. The other 90% is wide open from every approach. With parenting and support, not even are parents able to restrict their children. They may try, but it all comes down to the person. The media is so huge, that children would need to live in a box in order to not come across the bad influences of the media. With consideration, we all need to be our own investigator in perceiving right from wrong. The nation won’t stop, but we can be smarter then that.
Altogether, the media through advertisements and commercials will continue to put “ad-pressure” on consumers. It doesn’t make us a better people, maybe for the media, but if you pull yourself back from all that, being yourself is always best. I diverge to the aspect of influences of all media and its irrational concepts. Media is not reality, media is a sham unless proven.
Gushiken, Tiffany. “ Ads Pros and Cons.” Online Posting 23 Sept 2011. Laulima Discussion. https://laulima.hawaii.edu/portal/site/KAP.XLSENG215js.201210/page/70638c63-3d48-4275-828a-7e37acace01e.
Lee, Carmen. “Ads Pros and Cons.” Online Posting Sept 2011. Laulima Discussion
https://laulima.hawaii.edu/portal/site/KAP.XLSENG215js.201210/page/70638c63-3d48-4275-828a-7e37acace01e.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9tWZB7OUSU. “The Axe Effect-Women-Billions.” You Tube. 3 Oct 2006. Web. 29 Sept. 2011
Jasmin, I thought you did a good job of including your classmates’ quotes, however they’re off in their own paragraph and might be explained better used throughout your paper, making your own points. You did take a firm stand on the argument, but included more information than necessary in a thesis, which makes your thesis long and slightly confusing. Your description of the Axe commercial was vivid and portrayed nicely. I saw a few grammatical errors and some confusing word usage and sentence composition. In your second to last paragraph you veer off the topic, focusing on child safety more than the negatives of advertizing. You do a very good job of making your point, but don’t acknowledge the opposing view in order to include all readers. Your paper would benefit from another advertisement as an example to back up your thesis.
ReplyDeleteI hope this was helpful,
Jayme Donez
Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteI think you're definitely on to something with advertisement using absurdity as a tactic too often. I don't think the persuasion part of the sentence needs to be in your thesis, it felt out of place. The wording of a lot of your sentences were a little confusing. There were a few times where I felt like I wasn't getting what you wanted to say. There were a number of grammatical errors. Overall I think you're on to something, so go through the paper and try to clarify anything that seems awkward.
Aloha,
sugki jessica suguitan
Aloha Jasmin,
ReplyDeleteI found you paper to be very interesting. I really liked your description of the Axe commercial. It was very detailed and you explained how you were able to look past the front of the commercial and see what they are truly trying to make us see. Only thing I could think of is to maybe include an opposing side to your paper. Overall great job and I cant wait to read your final submission.
Mahalo,
Maile Hong
_x_1. Is the draft readable? All drafts submitted for review must be free of strange characters and symbols.
ReplyDelete_x__2. Does it address the topic or question for this assignment? In our first paper: (ENG 273N) Does it describe a place that has made a lasting impact on the writer? (ENG 215) Does it take a firm stand on the statement “Between adolescence and menopause, women experience trauma in adjusting to their gender roles”? (ENG 100) Does it describe in vivid detail a specific person, place, thing (object), or process (activity) that the writer considers “beautiful”? For subsequent papers, see the appropriate assignment guidelines.
__x_3. Is it complete? Does it have all the parts mentioned in the assignment guidelines? If necessary, does it include a works cited section? Does it meet the word count requirement? (Paper 1&5: 750-1000 words; paper 2&3: 1000-1500; paper 4: 1500-2000. See the assignment guidelines for the latest requirements.)
__x_4. Does it show signs that the writer has put effort into reviewing and revising it before submitting it? Review drafts (RDs) aren’t the same as “rough” drafts. They are as close to final drafts as possible. Thus, they should be complete, show signs of revision, and be as clear as possible of mechanical problems.
___5. Does it follow the basic formatting rules?
The space in between the paragraphs needs to be just a double space.
Single-space within paragraphs, double-space between paragraphs.
Single space after end punctuations.
Omit indent at the start of paragraphs.
Use standard fonts – avoid fancy fonts.
Avoid using all caps, bold, exclamation marks, etc. for dramatic effects.
Don’t use right justification; use ragged right instead.
_x__6. Does it include information that identifies the author, date of submission, and assignment? In the upper left corner:
name
date
assignment
_x__7. Does it have an original title?
__x_8. Does it have a thesis statement? And is it bookended with the label “[THESIS]“? The thesis sentence is usually in the first paragraph. It’s usually one sentence in length and the last sentence in the paragraph. It tells the reader what the main point of the essay is. In argumentative papers, it clearly states a position or stand. Think of the thesis as the one main point that every paragraph in the body of the paper is developing or supporting.
__x_9. Does the first paragraph introduce the subject of the paper and the thesis? The introductory paragraph should be brief. It introduces the subject and thesis. That’s it. It doesn’t try to develop or explain important ideas or arguments. That’s saved for the body paragraphs.
__x_10. Do the body paragraphs develop and support the thesis?
__x_11. Does the conclusion try to do more than restate the thesis and main points? The concluding paragraph should be brief. It’s used to restate the thesis and briefly (one or two sentences) summarize the main supporting points. It should avoid the introduction of new or different ideas that haven’t been developed in the body paragraphs. If the new thought is important, then suggest that the writer expand her/his paper to include it as one or more body paragraphs.
__x_12. Does it follow MLA guidelines for quotes and references? It should closely follow MLA guidelines for quoting, citing references, and setting up a works cited section.
_x__13. Is it free from basic mechanical problems? Does it need to be carefully revised for mechanical problems such as spelling, capitalization, word choice, run-ons, fragments, subject-verb agreement, punctuation (commas, especially), etc.?
Very good essay, you argued your point very well and you seemed to use the right cases for the arguments. Your mechanics were good, I saw very few errors, that just a proofread will be easy to fix. Good examples. I don't really have anything in particular to say that needs to be fixed. Good job.